Privilege and Praise

I have been wrestling with the appropriateness of my Jewish immersion during the High Holy Days and my newfound love of Judaism. In the shower, I put new words in the folk song “Shenandoah:” “Oh, Adonai, I long to see you…” Is it ok that I love the Jewish God and yet am not Jewish??? Elohim, Adonai, Hashem…Infinitely loving God whose compassion reaches to every corner and crest of this earth. Whose full power is unknowable and yet intervenes in our daily life if only we awaken ourselves to it. My heart and lungs and mind become one as I sing my love to Adonai, surrounded by the people of Chochmat Halev, unafraid to praise such a beautiful presence, a holy creation. Why has it taken to this point in my life for me to relax fully into what feels to be my most natural state- a state of complete praise for the Holy? There is something about U.S. culture that admonishes such complete and abandoned praise. On the one hand, we punish those who don’t believe in the Christian God. For those who do believe in a Christian God, only believe to a point, we say. Believe, but don’t let it get to your heart. Don’t get too carried away in your affection for God’s love and grace. Don’t lose control.
My inclination for praise is deeper than my social location. I believe that my social location is part of it- My race and class privilege has enabled me to witness, again and again, the sheer beauty of the earth through camping trips and vacations. I have literally known abundance in food and shelter and clothing. The resources made available to me through friends and community have assisted my educational experiences.

And yet, there is something deeper. Something deep in me longs to rest completely and fully in God’s embrace. Something deep in me knows that I cannot rest completely and fully in God’s grace alone- that I am not alone- I am inherently intertwined in community and depend on community to know God in God’s fullest and truest self. And even then we can never completely know the extent of God’s grace.

For the first time, it was ok for me to let go- completely let go of my critical thoughts and opinions. The only thing I had to do was surrender. Surrender to the power of love and community and song to carry us to higher and lower realms. Realms of the holy.

I am caught in this tension between privilege and praise. I am so moved by this Jewish community, Chochmat Halev, whose praise for an infinitely loving and gracious God rings true in my heart. While I immerse myself in Jewish song and ritual, I realize that I am not Jewish. As a white person who can pass as Christian and who grew up United Methodist, I do not feel the danger of being Jewish in a Christian country. What does it mean to say, “I’m a Jew?” What are the ways one’s existence is denied in this country, in this day? One year ago, six people were shot at Jewish Federation of Seattle- targeted by a man who “hated Jews” … In Missouri last week, several middle school students are facing disciplinary action because they started a “Hit a Jew Day.” The U.S. calendar mirrors the Christian calendar. Christianity is the assumed religion of chaplains and spiritual care providers and clients in many public hospitals and prisons. Christian supremacy infiltrates U.S. culture and institutions in so many ways, much of which I do not yet recognize as someone who grew up Christian.

I also want to recognize that I did grow up with an infinitely loving God, made known to me through my United Methodist Church and my parents. This is the God that I pray to and praise in solitude and among friends. There’s a part of me that wants to claim Adonai as my God too. Is there really a Jewish God, Muslim God and Christian God that are separate and distinct? When I try to sink my mental chatter deeper into my body, I want to believe that there is just one God, one loving presence that encompasses all religions, all ways of praise, on this earth. How can I believe this and accept the fact that Christians have long distinguished themselves from Judaism and Islam by separating out a Christian God. Christians (have) purposefully and violently distance and distanced themselves from the Jewish God (persecuting Jews and Muslims) in order to prop up their identity.

How can I be responsible in my growing knowledge and love of Judaism and different faiths? As I find myself deeply fed by Judaism, how can I account for the realities of anti-Semitism and anti-Islamic sentiment and practice that are alive and well in our country and around the world?