knowledge

It takes a while for me to claim knowledge, I think. :) I get used to the learning stage and it’s hard for me to embody confidence. This morning in aikido we were learning a technique. I was the newest person there, even though I have been a student for a whole year, and I kind-of remained in the stage of seeking instruction throughout the whole class. I am used to being the “new student.” Even though I learned it fairly quickly, I was still tentative in my motions. My hope is that I can cherish my learning stage and also grow into my claiming knowledge stage so I can be part of the sharing of much needed and empowering knowledge on this earth.

The Wrong Name

For six hours while I was in Cincinnati, I phone banked for the Obama campaign. On one of my calls, I talked with an elderly man who was undecided for whom he would vote for president. After talking about his disenchantment with politicians (“who never do even twenty-five percent of what they say they’re going to do!”), he finally got around to the crux of his indecisiveness about Obama. “I just can’t see myself voting for a man for president with that name,” he said. “It sounds too much like Osama Bin Laden or Hussein.” He also said that he was uncomfortable with Obama’s history with Islam. Even though he knew that Obama never practiced Islam, he thought that he grew up in a Muslim family, and, “ya know,” he said, “99% of Muslims are fundamentalist.”
He said that unlike some other people, he wasn’t caught up on the “race thing” because Obama is just as much white as he is Black.
Oh, boy! How was I going to respond to this?? There are so many prejudices underlying what he was saying! How could I be honest to myself and respond in a way that doesn’t alienate him?
I remember talking about the mainstream media and how it wants us to believe certain things about Islam that simply aren’t true- that in fact it is only a small percentage of Muslims that are fundamentalist, and that, as a person who studies religion, I see a lot of similarities between moderate Muslims and Christians, who all believe in a loving God and in the value of strong families (as I was looking at a pamphlet “Obama is a man of faith” with a picture and title of him as a “family man” on it.) I talked about how we can judge things and people by their titles (names, titles of faith, etc.), but what really matters is what’s underneath a title- what people believe and how we live is what matters.
We talked for twenty minutes and I cannot say that I convinced him to vote for Obama. But I did feel like he listened. I did feel like he wasn’t happy with the prejudices he did acknowledge having (and probably wouldn’t be happy with the numerous prejudices I saw that he wasn’t aware of), and he wanted to open up to change. He wanted to gain a new perspective.
Confronting the realities of Christian Supremacy and racism was hard, and yet, I was able to swallow and keep pursuing relationship with this man I did not know. I felt like my kinship with him was more important than the harmful state of his beliefs. Would it have been different if I had been Muslim or Jewish or Black? Perhaps. Perhaps the injury would have been too close to my heart for me to genuinely remain open to this man. But I am glad I did, for there are a lot of people just like him who, with a little care and listening, may turn to want to rid themselves of some of the harmful thinking that they have learned.

Privilege and Praise

I have been wrestling with the appropriateness of my Jewish immersion during the High Holy Days and my newfound love of Judaism. In the shower, I put new words in the folk song “Shenandoah:” “Oh, Adonai, I long to see you…” Is it ok that I love the Jewish God and yet am not Jewish??? Elohim, Adonai, Hashem…Infinitely loving God whose compassion reaches to every corner and crest of this earth. Whose full power is unknowable and yet intervenes in our daily life if only we awaken ourselves to it. My heart and lungs and mind become one as I sing my love to Adonai, surrounded by the people of Chochmat Halev, unafraid to praise such a beautiful presence, a holy creation. Why has it taken to this point in my life for me to relax fully into what feels to be my most natural state- a state of complete praise for the Holy? There is something about U.S. culture that admonishes such complete and abandoned praise. On the one hand, we punish those who don’t believe in the Christian God. For those who do believe in a Christian God, only believe to a point, we say. Believe, but don’t let it get to your heart. Don’t get too carried away in your affection for God’s love and grace. Don’t lose control.
My inclination for praise is deeper than my social location. I believe that my social location is part of it- My race and class privilege has enabled me to witness, again and again, the sheer beauty of the earth through camping trips and vacations. I have literally known abundance in food and shelter and clothing. The resources made available to me through friends and community have assisted my educational experiences.

And yet, there is something deeper. Something deep in me longs to rest completely and fully in God’s embrace. Something deep in me knows that I cannot rest completely and fully in God’s grace alone- that I am not alone- I am inherently intertwined in community and depend on community to know God in God’s fullest and truest self. And even then we can never completely know the extent of God’s grace.

For the first time, it was ok for me to let go- completely let go of my critical thoughts and opinions. The only thing I had to do was surrender. Surrender to the power of love and community and song to carry us to higher and lower realms. Realms of the holy.

I am caught in this tension between privilege and praise. I am so moved by this Jewish community, Chochmat Halev, whose praise for an infinitely loving and gracious God rings true in my heart. While I immerse myself in Jewish song and ritual, I realize that I am not Jewish. As a white person who can pass as Christian and who grew up United Methodist, I do not feel the danger of being Jewish in a Christian country. What does it mean to say, “I’m a Jew?” What are the ways one’s existence is denied in this country, in this day? One year ago, six people were shot at Jewish Federation of Seattle- targeted by a man who “hated Jews” … In Missouri last week, several middle school students are facing disciplinary action because they started a “Hit a Jew Day.” The U.S. calendar mirrors the Christian calendar. Christianity is the assumed religion of chaplains and spiritual care providers and clients in many public hospitals and prisons. Christian supremacy infiltrates U.S. culture and institutions in so many ways, much of which I do not yet recognize as someone who grew up Christian.

I also want to recognize that I did grow up with an infinitely loving God, made known to me through my United Methodist Church and my parents. This is the God that I pray to and praise in solitude and among friends. There’s a part of me that wants to claim Adonai as my God too. Is there really a Jewish God, Muslim God and Christian God that are separate and distinct? When I try to sink my mental chatter deeper into my body, I want to believe that there is just one God, one loving presence that encompasses all religions, all ways of praise, on this earth. How can I believe this and accept the fact that Christians have long distinguished themselves from Judaism and Islam by separating out a Christian God. Christians (have) purposefully and violently distance and distanced themselves from the Jewish God (persecuting Jews and Muslims) in order to prop up their identity.

How can I be responsible in my growing knowledge and love of Judaism and different faiths? As I find myself deeply fed by Judaism, how can I account for the realities of anti-Semitism and anti-Islamic sentiment and practice that are alive and well in our country and around the world?

My Name

Maris? Why Maris? (sounds like mah- rees, like "Marice"). I choose to add my middle name to this blog because I like it and because it reminds me of who I am. Maris comes from the word mar- sea, or of the sea. For me, the sea is home. I grew up near the Puget Sound in Shoreline (north of Seattle) and would take walks and cold water plunges in the Sound's chilly grasp. Every time I step into the lapping waves, I dedicate my swim to something or someone. Each dunk a prayer. 

While exploring the history of three religions that are almost always positioned against each other, I am continuously amazed at how much they share. It isn't that our differences aren't important- they are! But difference is actually grounds for deeper relation, not no relation or anti-relation.  

The deeper connection I experience by swimming in the sea is like the deeper connection I am learning through Al-Andalus. My sea, my prayer, my history. May my name always remind me of this.

Welcome to my blog!

Hello! Welcome to Beloved Bewildering- my space for exploring Al- Andalus- the class and the place/time. Al-Andalus is the Arabic name for the place and time of modern day Spain, Portugal, Andorra, Gibraltar and a tiny bit of France. It endured from 711 to 1492 under Islamic rule as a relatively peaceful place where Christians, Muslims and Jews all lived together, thrived together, sharing in livelihood, culture and faith. 

Al-Andalus-the-class is being taught online at Starr King School for the Ministry by Dr. Professor Ibrahim Farajaje'. And I am one of the lucky students taking the class. 

So, please open your heart-mind as I have done for you. I believe that we are all emerging, changing beings. In this light I open up pretty vulnerable parts of who I am, as, I believe, the more I open, the more I learn (and hopefully, grow). I welcome welcome WELCOME you to participate in my learning, as alone, I only learn so much (not very much- I NEED you to learn!)

Thank you for taking part in my life in this way. Love, Cassie